I AM...
I am lovely,
I am a guide,
I am an open door,
I am a caster of spells,
I am one, complete as two,
I am a Rescuer of Lost Souls,
I am an adventurer into others' minds,
I am a solver of problems,
I am an oasis of calm,
I am a teller of truths,
I am a creative spirit,
I am a shining star,
I am amazing,
I am reborn.
©2009 Caren Carter
This poem marks the beginning of an overdue spiritual journey, and a turning point in the opinions I hold about myself. A month prior to writing ‘I Am’, I wrote ‘Self Doubt’, filled with negatives and self-loathing. Writing them down was much needed therapy and released me from feelings of failure and inadequacy that haunted me, paving the way for the uplifting and self-affirming ‘I Am’. At this point, I must credit my twin, Helen for handing me 'Poem Crazy' (Susan Goldsmith Wooldridge) to read when I visited her earlier this year, because this poem was written as part of an exercise from this inspirational book. I smile and think ‘WOW’ each time I read this poem, it’s a useful reminder of who I am and the potential I have within me.
Writing ‘I Am’ was like opening a floodgate in my mind, everything in life was suddenly possible, nothing beyond my grasp. A new life stretches ahead, which was previously unimaginable. It seems as if my destiny has become clearer at last (I sense that something big awaits). For a while I pretended that ‘I am reborn’ meant something different and unrelated to God but by the time I had referenced ‘The Universe’ in various conversations for the umpteenth time, I gave in and admitted to myself that I had indeed been reborn spiritually. After many (many) years of denying my spiritual needs, I’ve opened my heart and mind to God’s existence. The inner guidance I experienced and my unwavering belief that moving to Scotland is the right thing to do, have played a large part in this acceptance. I have not lost my mind (regardless of what some may think, judging by the bewildered expressions), and yet I’ve made a series of monumental decisions about my future based on a ‘feeling’ that my future lies in Scotland.
Some 6 months ago, I place a request with the universe that I would find a spiritual path, and that I would find someone to travel that path with. Truth be told, I didn’t believe that my desires would be answered, but I made them known regardless. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time, despite feeling a little foolish. I have no idea how long these things typically take, but I would say my request was answered within a month of putting it out there. That’s pretty impressive service, by anyone’s standards! I feel blessed and humbled to have found a companion to enjoy the beauty of this world with, who understands what I’m looking for and wants nothing more than to help me find the answers I seek.
There is a great deal of self-discovery to do yet, before my spirituality falls into place but I am relieved to have the hand of a kindred spirit in mine, as I make the journey. Everything seems a little less daunting when someone is walking by your side, I feel very lucky indeed.